hurting

This morning, I was contemplating the honesty of stating that I am not doing well. Emotionally and spiritually, I am empty. Not just at zero empty, but like in the red empty. Less than zero empty. I am hurting. Someone prayed for me yesterday that the resentment and bitterness that have taken root would be removed. Already taken root.

I guess what I began to contemplate was that if I had a physical problem, things may be different. It would be easier to say, "I have _____ and am returning to the states to get well." No one would think that was bad, no one would really question it. But instead, things have not been easy here. I have seen and heard things that have been hard, that have caused a lot of mistrust in me, a lot of hurt in me. And instead of saying, come home, we want to help...the very ones that "sent" me seem to have turned their back.

So, somehow you realize that physical pain is so much more acceptable than emotional pain. And if I am emotionally hurting, somehow people see me as "less than." I wish that were different.

If I could help churches and church leaders understand something, it would be that when a missionary returns from the field wounded, that does NOT make them disposable. Don't turn your back. Don't turn your face. Look them in the eyes and say that you will be there for them. And mean it.

Unfortunately, I have watch too many be hurt not just on the mission field, but at times more so when they return. Why is that? Why would people send missionaries out to serve, evangelize, disciple, etc and then when they return act as though they are the enemy?

Anyway, my heart hurts for myself and many others who desire or desired to return to open arms only to find a closed door.