wanting

It truly is amazing how often I have the desire to run. The storm seems to enter my heart and I don't know how to take shelter, so instead it seems easier to hide or run.

Right this minute, my heart is longing for things I never had; that I will likely never have. That hurts and leaves me wanting. I hear affection, I hear love and my heart cries out for the same. For so long, I never considered what I did not have as something I ever wanted. How could you want what you never had? How could you long for that which you did not know? If you knew it was not yours to have, is it foolish to continue to desire it?

Do I step back and consider that only if God places the longing in my heart would I have it there? I want so badly for those longings to be filled. I don't just want to feel the emptiness of them any longer. Again, this is why I so often chose to not feel. I didn't want to want something I couldn't have.