today

It's my birthday. A depressing sort of day for me. I mentioned that the day before my birthday is full of sad memories. Well, seems as though it only got more depressing. I got news today that my grandmother is in a full time care facility because her dementia was out of control. It makes me sad that she will never be the grandmother that gave hugs that hurt anymore. She may not even remember me anymore. I guess I just find that kind of sad and depressing.

Besides getting bad news, I am struggling to figure out what to do tomorrow. I work during the day and of course I would love to have some friends come by tomorrow in the evening. Except I don't want to extend the effort only to be rejected. What if I invite people and they don't come by? I have waited long enough, it would not surprise me if no one could. So do I just decide that no one comes and that is that? No invites, no rejections. I think that is my current plan, sadly enough.

More later. I should sleep.