The ideas brought up yesterday at church are still rolling around in my head. So this morning, I started my day by reading some of the notes and verses presented yesterday.
The conversation between Eve and Satan in Genesis was one of blatant lies as well as twisting of words.
God had given them freedom of what to eat with the exception of the tree of knowledge of good and evil. The consequence of eating from that particular tree, "you shall surely die." (Gen 3:16-17) But when Satan began to question Eve, he focused on the restrictions instead of the freedom. "You shall not eat from any tree of the garden?" He had already begun to twist things to bring the focus on the restrictions and rules. (Gen 3: 1)
Eve was evidently confused at the point in which she responded with the explanation that they could not only not eat the fruit from that particular tree, but also they could not touch it. Where did she get that from? Was that something Adam had told her to keep her away from it altogether?
Satan blatantly lies, saying "You shall surely not die!" He explains that "her eyes will be opened and she will be like God, knowing good and evil." The latter statement had some truth in it since even God stated that Adam and Eve had become "like us" in Genesis 3:22.
These last words of Satan have a deeper meaning. He speaks of eating the fruit, as a means of achieving a state of being. "When you eat from it (DO), you will BE like God." He suggests an action on Eve's part, that by her doing something, she will achieve a particular state of being. DO in order to BE.
This is completely opposite of the gospel. The Bible teaches us that Christ paid the price to make us clean and whole. The action, the doing, has been done and not by us but by Christ. We are to receive what has been done and walk in that. There is nothing we can "do" in order to be more righteous or more whole in God's eyes.
The DO to BE tree existed in the Garden of Eden so many years ago. But, in reality it exists even today. How many things do we choose to DO thinking that they will help us achieve a certain state of being? that by doing, we will obtain more favor? That by doing we will be something more than we are in God's eyes?
Is your doing a product of who you are or are doing to become something you're not?
23 February 2009
22 February 2009
death & grieving
When I mentioned that at the memorial service of their father, my friend and her brother made those in attendance laugh; my Peruvian friend found that strange. "I suppose we Peruvians are mas emocionales." I realized there are several differences between death in the different countries.
In Peru, the funeral and burial is almost immediate, within 24 hours typically. In years past, the chemicals were not available to inject dead bodies for the duration of funeral planning that I have seen in the US. In Peru, it was a quick service and quick burial to prevent the spread of disease. I have heard of stories in which those that came to do autopsies were asked to write false dates and times in order to give friends and family time to arrive. Although the burial may be rapid, transportation is not!
Grief and mourning seem to be different. There are times when I think Peruvians do not show very much emotion. I remember asking if my friend cried at his brother's funeral. I guess I just do not see emotion among Peruvian men. Ever. So, naturally one would wonder if that emotion would be released upon news of a death.
But then here's the catch, I think as Americans we seem to be much more deeply affected by death. Someone may die in our lives and we always go back to it. We talk about it and how it changed and affected us. Peruvians seem to know death is simply part of life. Maybe Americans think that their power extends to immortality too?
Anyway, back to my friend and her brother and their memorial service humor. They shared about their father and told the tales of their lives. Their father was a funny man and that came out in each and every one of the stories. Those that had come to pay their respects remembered their father in a similar way and enjoyed a trip down memory lane. There was no disrespect, of course they will miss him, of course they are sad. But for a brief time, they chose to remember the great things about their father.
Grief is an interesting thing and it makes us do interesting things. I like the custom we tend to have that we bring tales and stories which help people remember those that have passed in the most positive way. We walked away from saying goodbye with tears in our eyes and a smile on our lips.
In Peru, the funeral and burial is almost immediate, within 24 hours typically. In years past, the chemicals were not available to inject dead bodies for the duration of funeral planning that I have seen in the US. In Peru, it was a quick service and quick burial to prevent the spread of disease. I have heard of stories in which those that came to do autopsies were asked to write false dates and times in order to give friends and family time to arrive. Although the burial may be rapid, transportation is not!
Grief and mourning seem to be different. There are times when I think Peruvians do not show very much emotion. I remember asking if my friend cried at his brother's funeral. I guess I just do not see emotion among Peruvian men. Ever. So, naturally one would wonder if that emotion would be released upon news of a death.
But then here's the catch, I think as Americans we seem to be much more deeply affected by death. Someone may die in our lives and we always go back to it. We talk about it and how it changed and affected us. Peruvians seem to know death is simply part of life. Maybe Americans think that their power extends to immortality too?
Anyway, back to my friend and her brother and their memorial service humor. They shared about their father and told the tales of their lives. Their father was a funny man and that came out in each and every one of the stories. Those that had come to pay their respects remembered their father in a similar way and enjoyed a trip down memory lane. There was no disrespect, of course they will miss him, of course they are sad. But for a brief time, they chose to remember the great things about their father.
Grief is an interesting thing and it makes us do interesting things. I like the custom we tend to have that we bring tales and stories which help people remember those that have passed in the most positive way. We walked away from saying goodbye with tears in our eyes and a smile on our lips.
sunday morning
This mornings sermon was all about legalism. Unfortunately it hits close to home for me after living in Peru and even dealing with some American churches.
All too often, we lose the perspective of the Biblical standards and begin to create our own standards. I really liked the explanation that the pastor gave of that this morning. Legalism comes from UNBELIEF. As in, one does not trust God enough, so one creates rules to not need to trust God. Interesting and I think, all too true.
When we remember that there really is nothing we can do to earn God's favor and no rules we can place on others to measure them up as spiritual or not, it does sort of bring things back to Christ living through us. You know, the whole point of Christianity?
Something hit me though, churches are defined by their rules and regulations. Denominations are defined by the way they do things or the things they find acceptable or not acceptable. Christians are known or are supposed to be known by their love for one another and their love for God. Unfortunately many Christians are instead known by their own personal rules & regulations or those they enforce with the people around them. Infrequently do we truly find people that serve Christ and others because that is what truly springs from their heart. What are you defined by? Are you defined by Christ or by the rules you claim to follow?
Anyway, there are some things I want to touch on further, such as the difference between legalism & discipline; the Do-To-Be Tree; Jesus + something = idolatry; legalism as I have seen it in Peru & the US. Those are all for a later time.
All too often, we lose the perspective of the Biblical standards and begin to create our own standards. I really liked the explanation that the pastor gave of that this morning. Legalism comes from UNBELIEF. As in, one does not trust God enough, so one creates rules to not need to trust God. Interesting and I think, all too true.
When we remember that there really is nothing we can do to earn God's favor and no rules we can place on others to measure them up as spiritual or not, it does sort of bring things back to Christ living through us. You know, the whole point of Christianity?
Something hit me though, churches are defined by their rules and regulations. Denominations are defined by the way they do things or the things they find acceptable or not acceptable. Christians are known or are supposed to be known by their love for one another and their love for God. Unfortunately many Christians are instead known by their own personal rules & regulations or those they enforce with the people around them. Infrequently do we truly find people that serve Christ and others because that is what truly springs from their heart. What are you defined by? Are you defined by Christ or by the rules you claim to follow?
Anyway, there are some things I want to touch on further, such as the difference between legalism & discipline; the Do-To-Be Tree; Jesus + something = idolatry; legalism as I have seen it in Peru & the US. Those are all for a later time.
landed
What can I say? I have landed but am not home. I have arrived but am not really here. My heart and mind are in another place while my body is here on American soil. So many things run through my mind, so many emotions run through my heart. Again, I need to start writing them down, for I fear no one else can understand me.
15 February 2009
smoker
Cigarette smoke makes me ill. Gives me allergies to be exact. You know, I think as a child I was on antibiotics for a whole year because of smoke allergies. Thanks to my grandmother and campfires, I was all medicined up month after month. Mmmm...gotta love those antibiotics. Anti-health is more like it.
Oh, anyways, the cigarettes. So I was riding back tonight on the bus from the water park. A young guy got on and sat down near the front. Puff. The smoke filled the air and blew out because of the open windows. I thought the best. He must of gotten on the bus and taken the last puff of his cigarette before getting on. The puff was just what was leftover. Benefit of the doubt, right?
Puff. Another one? That surely meant he had a cigarette in his hand. On the bus. Didn't anyone tell him it was prohibited to smoke in public places? Someone had a cigarette right behind me at the game the other night. Yuck! I kept turning around and coughing, hating the smoke that was being blown my way. Less than a few days and I felt like I was in the same situation again.
I had to think for a moment that in all of six years, I had never run across a situation like this. No one had ever gotten on a bus and smoked. No cigarette smoking bus riders. Not one. I guess for that I can be glad. Right?
Well, anyways, back to the bus tonight. The lady in the seat behind him asked him loudly and clearly to put his cigarette out. No response. Nothing. No words. No look. No nothing. No response. He told the cobradora that he wanted off at the next paradero. No excuse me, I'm sorry. Nothing.
So he got off at the next stop. He didn't look upset. Not ashamed. Nothing. Weird.
Oh, anyways, the cigarettes. So I was riding back tonight on the bus from the water park. A young guy got on and sat down near the front. Puff. The smoke filled the air and blew out because of the open windows. I thought the best. He must of gotten on the bus and taken the last puff of his cigarette before getting on. The puff was just what was leftover. Benefit of the doubt, right?
Puff. Another one? That surely meant he had a cigarette in his hand. On the bus. Didn't anyone tell him it was prohibited to smoke in public places? Someone had a cigarette right behind me at the game the other night. Yuck! I kept turning around and coughing, hating the smoke that was being blown my way. Less than a few days and I felt like I was in the same situation again.
I had to think for a moment that in all of six years, I had never run across a situation like this. No one had ever gotten on a bus and smoked. No cigarette smoking bus riders. Not one. I guess for that I can be glad. Right?
Well, anyways, back to the bus tonight. The lady in the seat behind him asked him loudly and clearly to put his cigarette out. No response. Nothing. No words. No look. No nothing. No response. He told the cobradora that he wanted off at the next paradero. No excuse me, I'm sorry. Nothing.
So he got off at the next stop. He didn't look upset. Not ashamed. Nothing. Weird.
13 February 2009
the bank
So, I went with a friend to open a bank account today. He had never had one and really his only knowledge of them stemmed back to a time when the president allowed the economy to get so bad that anything anyone put in the bank, they wound up losing. All your savings, lost.
Reminds me of the Peruvian who spent years and years in the US working to provide for his family. After more than 10 years, he traveled with cash. Cash in hand of thousands and thousands of dollars. He was stopped in an airport in Florida. The money was taken from him and he was charged on suspicion of drug trafficking or mafia connections of sorts. Everything he had saved, lost on his way home.
Or the couple here in Lima who saved and saved and saved their money in order to retire and have provisions. The money was all stored in a small box in the headboard of their bed. Thousands and thousands of soles. Everything they would live off of in their golden years. Gone in an afternoon.
I cannot speak to the wisdom of traveling with that much cash or saving that much cash in a box when I know the reality of the fear of saving in a bank that Peruvians have. It is sad, to be truthful. They are fearful of what them may lose and their security revolves around what they can hold onto.
So at the bank today, the papers were signed. The account was opened. And then I began to hear the story of how him mom had lost everything when he was a child. She had saved her money in a bank account and one day, because of the spiraling economy, she had nothing left.
The president who was in power at that time has returned to lead Peru. Personally, I know he is doing great things trying to advance Peru. But, because of others fears, there are still doubts in my mind. If you run the risk of losing it all, is it better to save your money in a box rather than the bank?
Reminds me of the Peruvian who spent years and years in the US working to provide for his family. After more than 10 years, he traveled with cash. Cash in hand of thousands and thousands of dollars. He was stopped in an airport in Florida. The money was taken from him and he was charged on suspicion of drug trafficking or mafia connections of sorts. Everything he had saved, lost on his way home.
Or the couple here in Lima who saved and saved and saved their money in order to retire and have provisions. The money was all stored in a small box in the headboard of their bed. Thousands and thousands of soles. Everything they would live off of in their golden years. Gone in an afternoon.
I cannot speak to the wisdom of traveling with that much cash or saving that much cash in a box when I know the reality of the fear of saving in a bank that Peruvians have. It is sad, to be truthful. They are fearful of what them may lose and their security revolves around what they can hold onto.
So at the bank today, the papers were signed. The account was opened. And then I began to hear the story of how him mom had lost everything when he was a child. She had saved her money in a bank account and one day, because of the spiraling economy, she had nothing left.
The president who was in power at that time has returned to lead Peru. Personally, I know he is doing great things trying to advance Peru. But, because of others fears, there are still doubts in my mind. If you run the risk of losing it all, is it better to save your money in a box rather than the bank?
frenzy
So, the packing is coming along. There are moments in which I feel as though there are a lot of bags and moments when I feel as though everything will fit in just a few bags. I have packed a few bags only to realize that repacking in a different suitcase would be strategic. So, the packing saga continues.
I was able to collect my passport yesterday which was highly advantageous since now I can go and close one of my bank accounts here. If it is not one thing, it is another.
I have to go a drop bags off to kindly ship to the mountains. Bags of donations of clothes, scarves, etc. And another bag to the jungle. I do still have some things left to buy, namely at the grocery store.
This evening though, I am headed to a fountain park! According to Guinness Records, it is the largest fountain park in the world. I am super excited about that!
Oh, and one other note, I HATE cockroaches!!!!!!!
Oh, but on a good note...it rained yesterday in the evening. And then rained last night during the night. I enjoy the rain, awake or asleep and am so glad to have seen it here just a few days before leaving.
That's all for now. Maybe more later.
I was able to collect my passport yesterday which was highly advantageous since now I can go and close one of my bank accounts here. If it is not one thing, it is another.
I have to go a drop bags off to kindly ship to the mountains. Bags of donations of clothes, scarves, etc. And another bag to the jungle. I do still have some things left to buy, namely at the grocery store.
This evening though, I am headed to a fountain park! According to Guinness Records, it is the largest fountain park in the world. I am super excited about that!
Oh, and one other note, I HATE cockroaches!!!!!!!
Oh, but on a good note...it rained yesterday in the evening. And then rained last night during the night. I enjoy the rain, awake or asleep and am so glad to have seen it here just a few days before leaving.
That's all for now. Maybe more later.
12 February 2009
hurting
This morning, I was contemplating the honesty of stating that I am not doing well. Emotionally and spiritually, I am empty. Not just at zero empty, but like in the red empty. Less than zero empty. I am hurting. Someone prayed for me yesterday that the resentment and bitterness that have taken root would be removed. Already taken root.
I guess what I began to contemplate was that if I had a physical problem, things may be different. It would be easier to say, "I have _____ and am returning to the states to get well." No one would think that was bad, no one would really question it. But instead, things have not been easy here. I have seen and heard things that have been hard, that have caused a lot of mistrust in me, a lot of hurt in me. And instead of saying, come home, we want to help...the very ones that "sent" me seem to have turned their back.
So, somehow you realize that physical pain is so much more acceptable than emotional pain. And if I am emotionally hurting, somehow people see me as "less than." I wish that were different.
If I could help churches and church leaders understand something, it would be that when a missionary returns from the field wounded, that does NOT make them disposable. Don't turn your back. Don't turn your face. Look them in the eyes and say that you will be there for them. And mean it.
Unfortunately, I have watch too many be hurt not just on the mission field, but at times more so when they return. Why is that? Why would people send missionaries out to serve, evangelize, disciple, etc and then when they return act as though they are the enemy?
Anyway, my heart hurts for myself and many others who desire or desired to return to open arms only to find a closed door.
I guess what I began to contemplate was that if I had a physical problem, things may be different. It would be easier to say, "I have _____ and am returning to the states to get well." No one would think that was bad, no one would really question it. But instead, things have not been easy here. I have seen and heard things that have been hard, that have caused a lot of mistrust in me, a lot of hurt in me. And instead of saying, come home, we want to help...the very ones that "sent" me seem to have turned their back.
So, somehow you realize that physical pain is so much more acceptable than emotional pain. And if I am emotionally hurting, somehow people see me as "less than." I wish that were different.
If I could help churches and church leaders understand something, it would be that when a missionary returns from the field wounded, that does NOT make them disposable. Don't turn your back. Don't turn your face. Look them in the eyes and say that you will be there for them. And mean it.
Unfortunately, I have watch too many be hurt not just on the mission field, but at times more so when they return. Why is that? Why would people send missionaries out to serve, evangelize, disciple, etc and then when they return act as though they are the enemy?
Anyway, my heart hurts for myself and many others who desire or desired to return to open arms only to find a closed door.
black packets
It was like a scene out of a movie. We were standing in a bad part of town, after the game waiting for the bus. The police populated every corner, but were occupied with things other than the safety of the people, like giving out directions when we asked.
Two older gentleman were walking towards us, but not necessarily together. A younger man, light skin came up behind them. There was something in his eyes that struck me - an insatiable hunger? That he didn't belong there? Desperation? Whatever it was, I had that sense that something wasn't right with him or with what he was about to do. Not that I knew what it was.
The Gringo called out to one of the gentleman. I cannot recall what he said. Gentleman #1 turned to Gentleman #2 and said something. They both stopped. The Gringo caught up. They sort of huddled. Gentleman #2 pulled something out of a bag or his pocket, I don't remember. They were square, black, flat packets, let's say the size of a wallet. No, smaller. Gentleman #2 handed a packet to the Gringo and to Gentleman #1 (I think).
The Gringo didn't look any happier. He was still desperate. He quickly turned away and walked back where he came from. The two gentleman spoke a few words to one another. A taxi was hailed. They both got in, one in the passenger seat and one in the back.
Normal would have been them both riding in back. But nothing was normal about what had just happened.
What do you think was in those packets?
Two older gentleman were walking towards us, but not necessarily together. A younger man, light skin came up behind them. There was something in his eyes that struck me - an insatiable hunger? That he didn't belong there? Desperation? Whatever it was, I had that sense that something wasn't right with him or with what he was about to do. Not that I knew what it was.
The Gringo called out to one of the gentleman. I cannot recall what he said. Gentleman #1 turned to Gentleman #2 and said something. They both stopped. The Gringo caught up. They sort of huddled. Gentleman #2 pulled something out of a bag or his pocket, I don't remember. They were square, black, flat packets, let's say the size of a wallet. No, smaller. Gentleman #2 handed a packet to the Gringo and to Gentleman #1 (I think).
The Gringo didn't look any happier. He was still desperate. He quickly turned away and walked back where he came from. The two gentleman spoke a few words to one another. A taxi was hailed. They both got in, one in the passenger seat and one in the back.
Normal would have been them both riding in back. But nothing was normal about what had just happened.
What do you think was in those packets?
peru vs. paraguay
Last night, I went to see the Peru-Paraguay soccer game. It was a friendly game, so to speak, since there was nothing on the line for the win. Does that make players relax and play better or relax and play worse? No one will ever know with the Peru team since the score was essentially the same as always.
I am always amused by Chemo. He is a cool kid. Hands in his pockets the entire game, never yelling, not even really coaching. But I imagine it is all unleashed in the locker room. Are coaches better when they stay quiet on the field and let it loose in the locker room, or is it better to have them yell from the sidelines and get it all out there?
I suppose the same question could be posed of soccer parents. I have seen a few crazies in my day.
I am always amused by Chemo. He is a cool kid. Hands in his pockets the entire game, never yelling, not even really coaching. But I imagine it is all unleashed in the locker room. Are coaches better when they stay quiet on the field and let it loose in the locker room, or is it better to have them yell from the sidelines and get it all out there?
I suppose the same question could be posed of soccer parents. I have seen a few crazies in my day.
10 February 2009
letdown
So, I had plans this evening to go out to dinner with a friend. I had looked forward to the restaurant for the last couple of days. They have *really* good food. I even called this afternoon to be sure it would be open at that hour.
But after a few hours of conversation, which was all fun and lively, she declined. I understood, I was tired as well and I knew that home for her was the other side of town.
However, I am hungry. And bummed. Anyone want to go with me to an incredible steak dinner? Right now?
But after a few hours of conversation, which was all fun and lively, she declined. I understood, I was tired as well and I knew that home for her was the other side of town.
However, I am hungry. And bummed. Anyone want to go with me to an incredible steak dinner? Right now?
as the day dawns
So, last night as I am trying to sleep I was awakened by a visitor. Something had bit me on my arms and back but left me scratching like crazy. I turned the light on trying to figure out what had happened. I saw a mosquito on the wall, but wasn't quick enough to kill it.
I couldn't help but wonder...don't I live in Lima? Isn't it the desert? Why are mosquitos invading my room? I felt like I was back in the jungle. At least in the morning, the itching sting was gone.
But, because I was tense all night I have a horrible crick in my neck/upper back. Not fun. Haven't taken anything except coffee for that but I may need something stronger.
Speaking of coffee, while I was trying to make it this morning I looked down and laying on its back by my (empty) trash can was a 4cm long cockroach. I have been fighting them like mad in my kitchen (thanks to my neighbors!) and didn't see many yesterday. So this mornings find was quite disturbing. It was belly up probably from the poison but rest assured I used my Raid on it as well. Can't be too careful when it comes to giant cockroaches.
Today I need to get more errands done and then people are coming over to buy some things and go out to dinner. That is the funny thing, I put my for sale list out to the world and truthfully feel bothered when the "world" wants to come by to look at my things. Is that strange? I wish garage sales were big here, it would be easier to take everything to the street and sell it there. I think I feel awkward coordinating a time and having strangers visit me. Hmmm...maybe the sale ads were not such a good ides after all?
More later.
I couldn't help but wonder...don't I live in Lima? Isn't it the desert? Why are mosquitos invading my room? I felt like I was back in the jungle. At least in the morning, the itching sting was gone.
But, because I was tense all night I have a horrible crick in my neck/upper back. Not fun. Haven't taken anything except coffee for that but I may need something stronger.
Speaking of coffee, while I was trying to make it this morning I looked down and laying on its back by my (empty) trash can was a 4cm long cockroach. I have been fighting them like mad in my kitchen (thanks to my neighbors!) and didn't see many yesterday. So this mornings find was quite disturbing. It was belly up probably from the poison but rest assured I used my Raid on it as well. Can't be too careful when it comes to giant cockroaches.
Today I need to get more errands done and then people are coming over to buy some things and go out to dinner. That is the funny thing, I put my for sale list out to the world and truthfully feel bothered when the "world" wants to come by to look at my things. Is that strange? I wish garage sales were big here, it would be easier to take everything to the street and sell it there. I think I feel awkward coordinating a time and having strangers visit me. Hmmm...maybe the sale ads were not such a good ides after all?
More later.
09 February 2009
more work for me
So there is an interesting difference of things I would like to share. It has to do with service related things. Here I am, trying to cancel all my services - phone, internet, cable, etc and it seems like I have to do a lot of work to get them to cancel and give me a final bill. I have to follow up with phone calls and check to be sure things were accomplished.
Case in point, today I called to ask the cable company what my final bill would be. I have the last month but was under the understanding that they were going to bill me for the first couple of days of February. When I call I learn that the line I asked to be cut on Jan 26th was never done. So the guy tells me that in fact he will have someone cut it but that he cannot give me a final billing amount until it is cut.
So, I call to cancel. They tell me they will. I call to find out the final amount and learn they haven't done what they said they would. What does that mean for me? I have to call again to see if it has been cut, I have to try to get a final bill, and I have to return to the bank to pay whatever that final amount is.
Somehow, more work for me and less for them.
The tricky thing is although I canceled and got a confirmation code, it would not be unusual that they continue to bill me, rack up charges and then later down the road I find out I owe hundreds of dollars. So, the work pays off for me but boy is it frustrating!
I will keep you posted.
Case in point, today I called to ask the cable company what my final bill would be. I have the last month but was under the understanding that they were going to bill me for the first couple of days of February. When I call I learn that the line I asked to be cut on Jan 26th was never done. So the guy tells me that in fact he will have someone cut it but that he cannot give me a final billing amount until it is cut.
So, I call to cancel. They tell me they will. I call to find out the final amount and learn they haven't done what they said they would. What does that mean for me? I have to call again to see if it has been cut, I have to try to get a final bill, and I have to return to the bank to pay whatever that final amount is.
Somehow, more work for me and less for them.
The tricky thing is although I canceled and got a confirmation code, it would not be unusual that they continue to bill me, rack up charges and then later down the road I find out I owe hundreds of dollars. So, the work pays off for me but boy is it frustrating!
I will keep you posted.
Test of Patience
So maybe I haven't been as good at writing as I thought I might be with the start of this New Year. But if you will allow me the pleasure of writing about some of my daily occurrences and happenings, it may help me even if it doesn't you.
Today, my patience was tested. I decided to get a last cut & color here in Peru. I went to the salon I have gone to over the last years. I usually visit twice a year so often I get the lecture of how I should have returned sooner. But, they remember me and I don't usually have to explain myself much. I just tell them what I want and the gal did it without a lot of questions.
Today was different. The same gal wasn't there to do my hair. Gal #2 seemed nice and friendly so I was happy to have her help me. Except once she started, I found her unsure of herself and doing things that I later questioned.
While sitting in the seat, I couldn't help but think how disappointing it is to go to a place where you feel as though you are known and you know them - only to realize it is all different. You have to explain yourself, question things, and most of all, have patience. Gal #2 took twice or three times as long to do what I asked for. She looked for reassurance repeatedly. I had to settle into a place in my heart that I did not grow frustrated but instead understood it was okay to slow down and chat a bit. When I left, I gave her a kiss on the cheek, a normal Peruvian goodbye for a friend, but not super traditional for your hairstylist. I didn't even think about it, I just did.
Now as I write this, I understand the lesson. I will face these same feelings in less than 10 days. I will return to a place I left when I was known and I knew others only to find that I have to exaplin myself, question things and most of all have patience. Hmmm...interesting.
Today, my patience was tested. I decided to get a last cut & color here in Peru. I went to the salon I have gone to over the last years. I usually visit twice a year so often I get the lecture of how I should have returned sooner. But, they remember me and I don't usually have to explain myself much. I just tell them what I want and the gal did it without a lot of questions.
Today was different. The same gal wasn't there to do my hair. Gal #2 seemed nice and friendly so I was happy to have her help me. Except once she started, I found her unsure of herself and doing things that I later questioned.
While sitting in the seat, I couldn't help but think how disappointing it is to go to a place where you feel as though you are known and you know them - only to realize it is all different. You have to explain yourself, question things, and most of all, have patience. Gal #2 took twice or three times as long to do what I asked for. She looked for reassurance repeatedly. I had to settle into a place in my heart that I did not grow frustrated but instead understood it was okay to slow down and chat a bit. When I left, I gave her a kiss on the cheek, a normal Peruvian goodbye for a friend, but not super traditional for your hairstylist. I didn't even think about it, I just did.
Now as I write this, I understand the lesson. I will face these same feelings in less than 10 days. I will return to a place I left when I was known and I knew others only to find that I have to exaplin myself, question things and most of all have patience. Hmmm...interesting.
04 January 2009
Words
So, we have arrived in 2009. Somehow 2008 went by with hardly a blink. Yet so many things are about to change. I don't even feel like this is a "new year" since everything new will come in a few weeks.
But one thing "new" is my desire to follow along with a blog that is reading through the Bible in a year. I think that others reading along and asking questions is a perfect motivation for me. I think that it will help me to stay accountable to my desire. I know many things are coming my way which could derail me and distract me. But I know I need to stand firm and continue.
For some time, the words that go through my mind are "satisfied in obedience" and I think I am living that out now. I am walking in obedience. I trust that I will be satisfied, content and at peace knowing that I have obeyed. Even if my feelings don't "want" to cooperate.
Now, my new words are "breathing and grieving." I think those are the two things I will have to walk out with. Like, I cannot expect more of myself than God expects of me. Right now, He is leading me through that valley of grief again. Once again, I know I won't stay there forever. I know God will later use the strength I gain in the valley. I simply need to walk through. I am so thankful that I am not required to be or do more.
Anyway, I needed to start writing again. Mostly, I hope to write about some of the things God is sharing with me through my readings. But I may share some other random stuff.
Gracias.
But one thing "new" is my desire to follow along with a blog that is reading through the Bible in a year. I think that others reading along and asking questions is a perfect motivation for me. I think that it will help me to stay accountable to my desire. I know many things are coming my way which could derail me and distract me. But I know I need to stand firm and continue.
For some time, the words that go through my mind are "satisfied in obedience" and I think I am living that out now. I am walking in obedience. I trust that I will be satisfied, content and at peace knowing that I have obeyed. Even if my feelings don't "want" to cooperate.
Now, my new words are "breathing and grieving." I think those are the two things I will have to walk out with. Like, I cannot expect more of myself than God expects of me. Right now, He is leading me through that valley of grief again. Once again, I know I won't stay there forever. I know God will later use the strength I gain in the valley. I simply need to walk through. I am so thankful that I am not required to be or do more.
Anyway, I needed to start writing again. Mostly, I hope to write about some of the things God is sharing with me through my readings. But I may share some other random stuff.
Gracias.
18 December 2007
Needs
We recently traveled to a small town on the side of the road. We went to deliver some Christmas goods like food and presents. I returned bewildered and still I wonder why we went.
The very first person to greet us began to explain how the mine waste sat on the other side of the road and when the wind kicked up, all of the pollution stirred around in the air. Could I do something about it she asked.
I went along meeting other people, the leaders from nearby towns. One of the first to introduce herself came armed with two letters, both asking for us to take on projects of building and repairing things.
They gave us a tour of the town and as we looked at the problems left by the mine, someone asked me what we were going to do about it. At that point I began to explain that I know nothing about mining, nothing about the leftover chemicals, that I could see the problem and had no plan to take care of it.
I was shown around the medical post. "We need a scale, we need oxygen tanks, we need bedsheets..." The list went on and on. They want a full running medical post when the nearest hospital is about 5 minutes away. Walking.
We went into the school's classrooms and they showed me the kids work and pointed out that the ceilings were deteriorating. I saw two spots where things had comes loose. As we were about to leave the school grounds, they decided that every town leader would send a list of the town's needs so they could compile it and submit it to us.
Truthfully, I wanted out. Out of these conversations, out of town! To wrap things up, they asked that I would say a few words. God had been speaking to me as I walked through the town. They really had many things, most apparent was the fact that the building were all made of cement. One town away was complete adobe. The cement buildings were from the mining days and remain to this day. So many towns we visit have no cement buildings but are homes with dirt floors, straw walls and roofs that are literally falling apart. I challenged them to see what they had instead of what they didn't have. Every single town could draft a list of the town needs. Even I have a list of things I need to do, repair or get for my home. But that does not mean that every visitor that walks through my door is shown the list and then asked, "Now what are you going to do about it?"
My heart hurt that day. Hurt for the fact that they are lost. Hurt for the fact that they look to people instead of to God. Hurt for the fact that a single mom wanted me to take her daughter to give her a better life. Hurt for the fact that they saw only their own needs and not those of people around them.
The very first person to greet us began to explain how the mine waste sat on the other side of the road and when the wind kicked up, all of the pollution stirred around in the air. Could I do something about it she asked.I went along meeting other people, the leaders from nearby towns. One of the first to introduce herself came armed with two letters, both asking for us to take on projects of building and repairing things.
They gave us a tour of the town and as we looked at the problems left by the mine, someone asked me what we were going to do about it. At that point I began to explain that I know nothing about mining, nothing about the leftover chemicals, that I could see the problem and had no plan to take care of it.I was shown around the medical post. "We need a scale, we need oxygen tanks, we need bedsheets..." The list went on and on. They want a full running medical post when the nearest hospital is about 5 minutes away. Walking.
We went into the school's classrooms and they showed me the kids work and pointed out that the ceilings were deteriorating. I saw two spots where things had comes loose. As we were about to leave the school grounds, they decided that every town leader would send a list of the town's needs so they could compile it and submit it to us.
Truthfully, I wanted out. Out of these conversations, out of town! To wrap things up, they asked that I would say a few words. God had been speaking to me as I walked through the town. They really had many things, most apparent was the fact that the building were all made of cement. One town away was complete adobe. The cement buildings were from the mining days and remain to this day. So many towns we visit have no cement buildings but are homes with dirt floors, straw walls and roofs that are literally falling apart. I challenged them to see what they had instead of what they didn't have. Every single town could draft a list of the town needs. Even I have a list of things I need to do, repair or get for my home. But that does not mean that every visitor that walks through my door is shown the list and then asked, "Now what are you going to do about it?"
My heart hurt that day. Hurt for the fact that they are lost. Hurt for the fact that they look to people instead of to God. Hurt for the fact that a single mom wanted me to take her daughter to give her a better life. Hurt for the fact that they saw only their own needs and not those of people around them.
25 October 2007
A Long Time...
I feel like a lot of time has passed since I have actually written. I figure that no one actually reads this and therefore I question why bother writing. I have been working a lot more at my blog Canela y Comino and found both my time in the kitchen as well as the time I write to be some what therapeutic. Okay, really therapeutic. You can check in with me over there on a regular basis.
But...the thing is...there is a lot in my head and my heart that I cannot seem to express. I keep telling people that I seem to settle down once I am in the kitchen. I chop. I puree. I saute. I cook. I bake. These things seem to help me process and pray about these things that are in my mind.
Something, though, has been nagging at me to write it down. I wonder if trying to write instead of verbally express myself would be better. De repente yo puedo escribir solo en espanol para que algunos no mas entiendan. No se que seria mejor. A veces pienso mas claramente asi than like this. It all just depends. Todo depende.
So today someone stopped by my house. Una visita. She came by to ask a favor. But instead of dropping by and running out as usual she stayed and talked. We talked about life and things of the past, the present and the future. But something she said will continue to molestarme como siempre. The comments I often hear include something along the lines of "we all try to be your friend." See...people drop by for something, por una razon, to see someone, to ask a favor, for something. Rarely is it to see me, to talk with me. It is not that that bothers me. It is that they see that as trying to be my friend.
She suggests that our perspective of being a friend is very different. I should drop by their houses more. I say I would like to but I haven't been invited. Exactly she says. Oh how we think differently. Somehow I am supposed to understand that someone coming by to ask a favor really means that they are my friend, that they are trying to spend time with me and in turn I am obligated to reciprocate that? How complicated. If they want me to visit, why don't they just invite me? Why not just say, come on over. See other do this. I am invited. I am welcomed. I don't wonder. Sure the Latin culture is full of visits, but still it seems odd to me. I think part of the reason is that it can take 2 hours by bus to go somewhere, so you would not likely go somewhere without previa aviso. You would not likely just be in the neighborhood.
Anyway, all that to say that I still struggle with figuring out how to "be friends" with people. I wish it was just easy. Porque no puede ser mas facil? Porque la gente no piensan igual como yo? Porque? Me gustaria entender pero tambien me gustaria que ellos me entendarian a mi. Porque siempre tengo que explicarme? Si, claro, yo se que 5 anos no significa que soy experta aqui.
So what do I do now? She came by. Does that mean that I need to visit her soon? Does that obligate me to respond in some way? Como hago?
But...the thing is...there is a lot in my head and my heart that I cannot seem to express. I keep telling people that I seem to settle down once I am in the kitchen. I chop. I puree. I saute. I cook. I bake. These things seem to help me process and pray about these things that are in my mind.
Something, though, has been nagging at me to write it down. I wonder if trying to write instead of verbally express myself would be better. De repente yo puedo escribir solo en espanol para que algunos no mas entiendan. No se que seria mejor. A veces pienso mas claramente asi than like this. It all just depends. Todo depende.
So today someone stopped by my house. Una visita. She came by to ask a favor. But instead of dropping by and running out as usual she stayed and talked. We talked about life and things of the past, the present and the future. But something she said will continue to molestarme como siempre. The comments I often hear include something along the lines of "we all try to be your friend." See...people drop by for something, por una razon, to see someone, to ask a favor, for something. Rarely is it to see me, to talk with me. It is not that that bothers me. It is that they see that as trying to be my friend.
She suggests that our perspective of being a friend is very different. I should drop by their houses more. I say I would like to but I haven't been invited. Exactly she says. Oh how we think differently. Somehow I am supposed to understand that someone coming by to ask a favor really means that they are my friend, that they are trying to spend time with me and in turn I am obligated to reciprocate that? How complicated. If they want me to visit, why don't they just invite me? Why not just say, come on over. See other do this. I am invited. I am welcomed. I don't wonder. Sure the Latin culture is full of visits, but still it seems odd to me. I think part of the reason is that it can take 2 hours by bus to go somewhere, so you would not likely go somewhere without previa aviso. You would not likely just be in the neighborhood.
Anyway, all that to say that I still struggle with figuring out how to "be friends" with people. I wish it was just easy. Porque no puede ser mas facil? Porque la gente no piensan igual como yo? Porque? Me gustaria entender pero tambien me gustaria que ellos me entendarian a mi. Porque siempre tengo que explicarme? Si, claro, yo se que 5 anos no significa que soy experta aqui.
So what do I do now? She came by. Does that mean that I need to visit her soon? Does that obligate me to respond in some way? Como hago?
14 September 2007
Destructive Storms
At 4:30 pm on Friday, August 31, Aucayacu experienced strong hurricane winds accompanied by torrential rains. The storm left 105 homes without any roofs at all and many others were partially removed; many of these in the neighborhood where we served (Primero de Mayo) which is close to the Huallaga River
Don William shared that out of all of the houses on their block; only 2 or 3 withstood the storm without any damage! We have received specific reports that the house (on the corner) we were looking at rebuilding has begun to come down. The Rengifo family has moved their things over to Jacky’s house for the time being because the roof and posts are down.
er familys’ roof down too. Doña Rosa has lost the roof on her kitchen and some of the bedrooms. In addition, Don Jose (who left early morning prior to our departure to gather and gift the fruit from his land to us) has no roof; Clara, who served us a refreshing yucca drink on the last day, has lost most of her roof; Marta, another neighbor down the street, has suffered the same. Romolo, Don William’s oldest son, had a coconut tree fall on their roof, causing severe damage; thankfully his wife and two small children got out in time!
Edgar, who received Christ during the Creekside team visit, lives with his in-laws; the roof of their wooden home was badly damaged. The recently added area, the “invasion” had 13 small particle board houses which have all suffered damage of some sort.
Norith, Don William’s daughter, expressed that she realized through the storm that her faith was very small. She would like to talk some more about her faith and God. What awesome opportunities…God, through the mission team from Creekside Church, helped plant those seeds.
At this point, we are working on the best ways to deliver the needed assistance of (mainly) roofing supplies. At this point we are looking at hiring an empty banana truck, making the trip back to Aucayacu. We would load this truck with roofing supplies and materials and deliver it directly to those we are ministering to in the "barrio" of Primero de Mayo.
The goal in mind is that we go to be an example to them and then send them out into the city to help others around them. We go to meet a need, bless them and take advantage of the opportunity God is giving us to speak into their lives once again about having peace in their hearts even in the midst of a storm. People are hungry for the truth and I am SO EXCITED that we are part of this!
We have an opportunity to provide some needed assistance to the Primero de Mayo barrio we ministered to and participate in some long term spiritual growth opportunities. What a blessing it would be to know that we equipped one barrio, which responded to God's grace and blazed through the rest of Aucayacu and then into other surrounding towns!!
20 August 2007
Receiving Better Than Serving?
During our time in Aucayacu, we as a Peruvian/American team made and served lunch to the people of Barrio Primero de Mayo. Those that cooked the Estofado de Pollo had many firsts: seeing el mercado Peruano, de-feathering chickens, sorting rice, and cooking in pots big enough for children to play in!
Everyone in the neighborhood was invited although not everyone was there. I decided to make the rounds and make sure everyone knew we were about to serve lunch. I found many people still in their homes and invited them and anyone else who was there. While running from house to house, I found Vicki and her children on the road. Vicki lives in the chozitas at the end of the road. About a year ago, her as well as about 12 other families decided to invade the land and put up their own shack to live in. I reminded her about the luncheon and she said she was heading that way. She said there were others from the chozitas that wanted to partake in the lunch, but felt ashamed. Even she said she was worried that if she showed up, people would not give her any lunch and would ask her to leave. I made sure a chair was added to the table so that she had a place to sit and a plate in front of her.
Those that ate the delicious lunch tried so hard to insist that we sit and eat...we were the invitados and they were supposed to serve us. Adults filled the tables and they were given full plates and glasses of refreshing cocona juice. The children waited patiently (as patiently as they could!) for their turn to sit and partake in the meal the Americans cooked. This may have been the first time the people in this neighborhood were served instead of serving others. At every house we went to visit, they brought out something to eat or drink. But, it is not common that they be the ones served...the idea was radically foreign to them.
As we sang a song the final day, I was reminded of the fact that accepting the sacrifice of Christ's death means receiving something and not doing anything. It means someone else did something for you. I wonder if that fact is difficult for them to comprehend. I wonder if the mere fact that they cannot earn or do this for themselves is hard to accept. Sure, they believe in God, but that is so often because they go to church and do what is right. What happens when the relationship becomes personal. What happens when they receive that revelation of righteousness - the fact that God loves them SO MUCH that He sent His Son to die for them so that His sacrifice would ransom them from the impending death that would correspond with their sin.This lunch was only a start. It is our desire that they comprehend the sacrifice of Christ not only in fact, but by faith.
19 August 2007
Lessons In Waiting
Although I was not actually in Lima to feel the earthquake that shook Peru last week, I did feel some of its effects as we traveled from the jungle back to Lima. Instead of a simple 12 hour bus ride, at about 4am, our bus was detained. I stuck my head out the window into the bitter cold and the dark of the madrugada. Once I saw a man who worked for the bus line I asked why we (along with all the rest) were stopped. "No hay pase!" He said the earthquake had caused some rocks to fall which were being cleaned up and implied we would be on our way soon. When the bus began to move within just a few minutes I was relieved...until we stopped again in just a few miles.
The next SEVENTEEN hours were more of the same: stopping, going for a few meters, stopping again. We got off the bus to look around and stretch our legs and ate granola bars to our hearts content. Through those hours, we passed by many small rock slides and after 17 hours got to the main landslide which was said to have been a mountain which had slipped from its heights. They had tried to clean it for a good portion of the day but reoccurring aftershocks were said to cause a continual flow of falling rocks. By the time we drove through it, they had partially cleaned one lane for the miles and miles and miles of traffic to flow through.
As someone who has lived in Peru a number of years now, I have learned not to become to ruffled by circumstances that are beyond my control. Me being upset would not make the workers clean faster, the bus driver drive more aggressively or food appear out of the sky. I watched the US team that was with us and they were troopers right along with us. By the end of this adventure, I realized that they now can comprehend the way of life here a bit better. I told them that they can pray for us in a new way now that they have experienced not only the joys of ministry but also the difficulties.
When you pray for the missionaries you support, don't just pray for their fruitful ministry and happy heart...pray for them as they face a way of life that is very different than yours. This very way of life can cause stress and discomfort if one does not adapt. Pray for missionaries to adapt to their country of ministry so that they might be even more effective.
We are not in control. God is.
The next SEVENTEEN hours were more of the same: stopping, going for a few meters, stopping again. We got off the bus to look around and stretch our legs and ate granola bars to our hearts content. Through those hours, we passed by many small rock slides and after 17 hours got to the main landslide which was said to have been a mountain which had slipped from its heights. They had tried to clean it for a good portion of the day but reoccurring aftershocks were said to cause a continual flow of falling rocks. By the time we drove through it, they had partially cleaned one lane for the miles and miles and miles of traffic to flow through.As someone who has lived in Peru a number of years now, I have learned not to become to ruffled by circumstances that are beyond my control. Me being upset would not make the workers clean faster, the bus driver drive more aggressively or food appear out of the sky. I watched the US team that was with us and they were troopers right along with us. By the end of this adventure, I realized that they now can comprehend the way of life here a bit better. I told them that they can pray for us in a new way now that they have experienced not only the joys of ministry but also the difficulties.
When you pray for the missionaries you support, don't just pray for their fruitful ministry and happy heart...pray for them as they face a way of life that is very different than yours. This very way of life can cause stress and discomfort if one does not adapt. Pray for missionaries to adapt to their country of ministry so that they might be even more effective.
We are not in control. God is.
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