Inspired. Again.

So, months have gone by and suddenly I feel inspired to start to write a bit again. I wonder what the theme of this spurt might be. It seems the last one was me just trying to process all the pain I was feeling. Not that the pain is gone now, but at least I feel like I am on the road to healing in a way I wasn't several months ago.

Monday morning. I have more energy today simply because I stayed home yesterday. Seems more and more I recognize that I am an introvert. I get energy just from being alone. Yesterday, things just fell into place for me to do just about nothing. Sure, I drank my coffee in the morning; relaxed in the afternoon and even exercised. Then Amazing Race at 7pm followed by looking at pictures and crying because I miss Peru in the evening. I realize that I was truly happy there doing what I was doing, living where I was living and being with who I was with. My smiles were bigger and more genuine.

Today, I work and will stay to work out since I am on the journey to get healthy. I feel much better than I did a month ago, I have lost 10 pounds and inches off just about everywhere on my bod. But, I still have a ways to go!

Anyway, just felt like I needed to say (to no one) that I am back.

waking in the night

Are you a midnight snacker?

Well, I say midnight snacker in terms of do you wake in the middle of the night with intense cravings and make your way down to the kitchen to open the cookie jar or slap together a quick PB & J? I am not so much speaking in terms of I stay up until midnight and have to have that one last snack before bedtime.

I cannot recall a time that I have consciously gotten out of bed to feed myself and then gotten back in bed and slept more. That just sounds weird to me. I admit, if I am up late, I certainly do find a way to get a last snack in.

Here is the thing. I am trying to exercise more and eat less. But it seems that a few times a week I am waking, right around 4 or 5 in the morning purely out of hunger. I lay in my bed and think about food, wish that I could eat it, but still cannot justify getting up and out of bed simply for a snack. I mean, what would I make at that hour? What would I justify filling my stomach with then?

But last night...last night was the worst. I was wakened because of the pain in my back. It feels like the spot of my right kidney. Every night and every morning. So I always force myself out of bed if I wake up with the urge to go to the bathroom. Fine, I went last night at 4:30. But the pain got worse. I turned over and over; took covers off, put covers on and nothing. At 6 in the morning, I finally began to doze off again. GROWL! My stomach woke me. That happened 4 times. I dozed off and was awakened by the growling stomach FOUR times. I still didn't roll out of bed for food. I did however roll out of bed thinking that a bit of ibuprofen would help out quite a bit. So half a liter of water and 4 pills later I laid back down. And slept.

Do you get out of bed in the night to snack? What kinds of snacks do you eat in the night?

weight

It seems almost seems comical that as I press thru the frustrations of emotional baggage and cycles, I feel as though I am doing the same physically. I have changed my eating to something minimal, low-sugar, low-fat as possible. I have increased my exercise to 2 hours daily. I am drinking my water. And I don't feel like it is having any affect. I am basically at the same weight I was 2 weeks ago. Aren't the pounds just supposed to melt off at first? The first couple of weeks should be the easiest.

I suppose I am seeing that emotional barriers as well as physical barriers are going to take some hard work. I am in for a fight. It is just that too many days, I already feel defeated. How is that going to change?